before the madness
by jennzah
Summary: before he was William the Bloody, or Spike the Vampire... there was Jacynth... and now she's back to reclaim him and most of all.. help him.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer : Spike and all the other "Buffy" Characters belong to Joss Whedon. Jacynth is mine.  
Spoilers: season 5 finale.  
  
spike walked slowly towards his crypt, the sunlight brimming on the horizion. he'd spent the night again at Buffy's grave, talking to her, though he wasn't sure she could hear.   
  
"doesn't matter" he thought, as he tripped on the curb and crossed the grass to his resting place. he rubbed his eyes tiredly. it had been almost two months since she'd died, died to save them all, died to save her sister, Dawn.  
  
Dawn. he missed her. he checked in on her, from time to time, although she didn't know it. he didn't think he could bear talking to her, or being around her for very long. after all, she was part of Buffy, and losing Buffy was probably the worst thing that had ever happened to him. it wasn't like losing Drusilla.  
  
he couldn't think about that now. he'd been torturing himself over Buffy for the past weeks and sleep was the only thing that relieved him of it. pushing open the door of his crypt, he slumped down the stairs, ready to crawl into his awaiting bed.  
  
as he shut the door tightly behind him, he heard a sound. like a hiss. someone was in this room, though he couldn't see them, he could sense them. the hissing came again, and along with it, the smell of air freshener.  
  
he crept around the corner, closer to the noise. he could see the person now, a girl. her back was to him, but she defintely was holding up a bottle of Lysol, spraying it into all the dank corners of his crypt.  
  
"What the bloody hell are you doing?" Spike snapped loudly. the girl stopped, then continued to spray the aerosol. she didn't turn to face him.  
  
"Hey! i asked you a question, lady. who the hell are you and what the hell are you doing to my home?" He was getting angry. how in the hell did someone he didn't know get in here?  
  
"This place smells" came the girls voice. oddly, it was familiar to Spike, but he couldn't place it. "i dont see how you can live in a place like this!" she sprayed another spritz of the Lysol.  
  
"listen, bird. this is my home and how i live is none of your business. now who the bloody hell are you?" he walked up untill he was just behind the girl. She had shoulder length reddish blonde hair, and was dressed all in black.  
  
the girl turned around, and as she did, Spike's eyes widened. his jaw dropped but not a word came out of his mouth.  
  
"William... i suspect thats not the proper way to greet me after all this time." she said, walking up to him and closing his mouth gently with her fingers. "you know very well who i am."  
  
Spike staggered backwards away from her. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. He fell onto the edge of his bed, still speecheless. He looked her up and down.  
  
She walked towards him and placed a hand on his forehead. "Cold.." she mumbled. "so cold. just as cold as the last time i touched you." she let her hand linger on his forehead before going to stroke his cheek.  
  
He looked up at her, finally, and took her hand away from his face. "Jacynth.." he whispered.   
  
She smiled. "yes, William. it's me. had you forgotten me?"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

He was being taken back, by the touch of her hand. suddenly he found himself back over one hundred fifty years ago, right before he'd been changed into a vampire by Angel.  
  
"see.." she whispered, stroking his cheek, urging him into the memories.  
  
and he saw. Saw the village where he had lived, where they both had lived. and saw her, walking down the cobblestone street towards him. in that pretty blue dress that she always wore, the one he liked. the one he had asked her to marry him in.  
  
She was upset when she reached him in the square where he was waiting for her. He took her in his arms and kissed the top of her head.  
  
"whats the matter, love?" he asked. She drew back from him with tears in her eyes.  
  
"i've seen evil things about, William. evil things. they are going to take you away." she sobbed, tears slipping down her face.  
  
"shhh.." he comforted. "nobody's going to take me away, love. nobody. no evil things."  
  
She looked up at him, the tears still streaming down her face. "evil..."  
  
and he was jolted back to the present. he realized that Jacynth had had her hands on either side of his head and had taken him back.  
  
he pushed her away, roughly. she didn't stumble back, only stepped back with his force. she took a chair and pulled it up about a foot away from the bed, and rested her chin on her hands.  
  
He looked at her, looking at him. he still couldn't believe that she was here, and how could she be?  
  
"i can tell you that," she said, answering his thoughts.  
  
"Don't tell me that you can read my bloody thoughts now.." he sneered at her.  
  
"it's part of the gift, William." she said quietly.  
  
He stood up angrily. "DON'T call me William. nobody calls me that anymore."  
  
"ah, yes. i know. it's 'Spike' now, isn't it? and before that you were William the Bloody." she replied calmly.  
  
He paced. "how do you know that? what are you now, some sort of witch?"  
  
"maybe if you calmed down i could tell you." Jacynth rose out of the chair and stood in front of him.  
  
He glowered at her. "How am i supposed to bloody calm down, Jacynth! you know i assumed you were dead. i saw you... saw your body..."   
  
Jacynth stepped up to him and eased him gently into a chair. "Calm..." she whispered into his ear. "Calm now... i'll tell you everything."  
  
  
  
  



	3. Chapter 3

she began to walk slowly across the room from him. he watched her as she did. 'my god' he thought. 'she's still as beautiful as she was back then, however modern she is...'  
  
"thank you." she replied. she lit the candlelabra and then turned to face him. "are you ready, love?" she asked quietly.  
  
"ready as i'll ever be." Spike replied.  
  
"good." she smiled. she walked back to where he was sitting and knelt before him.  
  
"close your eyes, then, love." she reached up her hands and lightly touched his temples. his eyes closed when she touched him, and he felt as if he were in a dream.  
  
then he saw her, again. running frantically through the square of their old village, crying. her long hair flew behind her, falling out of the careful twist it had been in.  
  
"William!" she screamed. "William!"  
  
he looked past her to where she was running. and then he saw himself, lying on the ground, two puncture wounds in his neck. and then he saw Angel slipping off into the shadows. Angel stood against a wall, a small smile on his face.  
  
He saw himself, unconsious, while Jacynth flung herself on the ground next to him and touched his forehead. he could feel how cold it was to her touch, and he could feel her pain inside.  
  
"William.." she whispered, tears falling onto his face. she buried her face in his chest, and cried.  
  
Angel slipped from the shadows. "aww, there there, dear lady, he's not gone."  
  
Jacynth lifted her tearstained face to view the monster standing in front of her, one hand still on Spike's chest.  
  
"You.." she said painfully. "you did this to him, you vile thing!"  
  
Angel threw back his head and laughed. "poor thing.." he chuckled. "you were in love with him.."  
  
Spike saw himself open his eyes, and grab Jacynth by her hair as he rose to his feet.  
  
"oops. looks like your beloved is awake." Angel cackled. "Go on, William. drink from her!"  
  
Spike looked at Jacynth, hanging by her hair in his grips. Now soulless, he felt nothing for the girl that once was supposed to be his wife. The vampire face had taken over and she widened her eyes in fear.  
  
"William, please...." she whimpered.  
  
Spike saw himself in the vampire face, looking at Jacynth. He remembered this, it sent painful shocks through him.  
  
He dropped her and pulled her near him as if to bite her. "Run." he whispered into her ear. "Run and dont look back." he pushed her away roughly and she ran fast back towards the village.  
  
Spike watched himself disappear into the shadows with Angel. then he was suddenly in a barn.  
  
He saw Jacynth, tearstained and her dress torn, climbing up into the hayloft. it was dark, and he could see the fire flickering in from the outside.   
  
She was crying, hiccuping as she stood up amongst the bales of hay. He looked up to the celing and saw a long length of rope hanging not far from her reach.  
  
"No!" he tried to yell, but found himself unseen and unheard.  
  
He watched as she placed the noose around her neck, sighed, and jumped off of the hayloft. He heard her neck snap and he closed his eyes.  
  
He opened them as he heard someone burst into the barn. The village was on fire, and vampires had taken over. He watched as the form walked into the barn and looked up as he saw the body of Jacynth hang there.  
  
it was himself. in one angry motion he had slashed the rope down and her body crashed to the ground. he picked it up and looked at her lying dead in his arms. the vampire face that had been out suddenly disappeared. he looked on her, then dropped her body to the ground and stormed out of the barn.  
  
then he was in the meadow, where the surviving villagers were burying Jacynth, next to where they believed he was buried. He watched as her body was wrapped in the fine silk and then lowered into the ground. he saw the headstones : "Jacynth Redmund" and "William Castleriche".   
  
he looked at the headstones blindly. he knew that his body was not in the grave next to where Jacynth lay. and out of the corner of his eye, he saw her, running in between the trees.  
  
"Jacynth?" he asked. He followed her, into woods.  
  
now he was deep in the woods, watching as witches resurrected her spirit, and gave her life again. they chanted in old Latin, but he understood what they were saying:  
  
"lift this poor spirit, mother moon. give her eternal life so that she may follow her doomed lover, and one day be reunited with him."  
  
They kept on chanting but he was losing their voices, they seemed to spin all around him and then he found himself looking upon himself again, with Drusilla and Angel, mercileslly killing for pleasure. He watched as he bit one after another, drinking from them and laughing.  
  
Spike felt sick. the sight of Dru. the sight of him killing humans without mercy.   
  
"Enough, Jacynth! Make this stop!" he cried. He reached out and pushed her off of him, and the dream stopped.  
  
He opened his eyes and saw her sitting on the floor, breathless and crying.  
  
"Do you see, William?" she whispered.  
  
He looked at her. "The witches. they brought you back, they made you immortal. so that you would follow me?"  
  
She rose to her feet, brushing the tears away. "They gave me eternal life, and powers. I can read minds, i can take people back in time like i just did with you, and i can render myself invisible, amongst other things."  
  
Spike stared at her. He closed his eyes and saw the girl she'd been, so long ago, and then opened his eyes and looked upon her.  
  
"You did follow me, then?" he asked quietly.  
  
"i've been with you the entire time, William. every human you've slain, everything you've ever done." she said.  
  
"I dont understand, then. why didn't you come to me sooner?" He rose out of the chair and went to light a cigarette.  
  
"I couldn't. William, you have no soul. to watch you do all those evil things... it was awful. For a long time i thought the witches had cursed me to follow you. But then... you started showing signs of humanity again. With the Slayer and her sister."  
  
Spike walked across the room fast and stood in front of her.  
  
"So? what of it?" he snapped. "so you get to come to me now that the Slayer is gone?"  
  
"yes." Jacynth said. " Now im here for you. and to help you get her back."  
  
"you're talking crazy, Jacynth. Nothing can bring her back." Spike turned from Jacynth so she wouldn't see the agony reflected in his face.  
  
"no, William." she said. " I can bring her back."  



	4. Chapter 4

Spike hurried along the sidewalk to where Jacynth had made her dwelling in a modest house, not far from where Buffy lived. he hadn't seen her since she'd performed the spell that had brought Buffy back from the dead. it had physically weakened her, and so joyous was everyone upon the spells success, especially Spike, that they had not noticed when she'd dissolved into vapor and transported herself home to rest. It was only after all the commotion that Spike noticed that she wasn't there, and left in search of her.  
  
Spike felt somewhat guilty. he'd been spending the last few days in his crypt with Jacynth, watching her prepare for this spell before they'd gone to the magic shop to ask for the help of the Scoobies. there was some confusion as to who Jacynth was, and how she could bring Buffy back. but after the spell had been completed, so enamoured was he that he'd just pushed past her to get to Buffy.  
  
He still couldn't believe that she'd pulled it off. He recounted the events of the past two days in his head as he walked towards Jacynth's house.  
  
After Jacynth had told him that she could bring Buffy back, he spent alot of time in quiet thinking. she sat there, equally quiet, untill the sun came up. then he noticed that she'd fallen asleep on his couch, sitting up. even immortal things like herself needed sleep, he thought. he walked over to her, quietly, and picked her up gently and moved her to his bed, then he went over and laid on top of the coffin that he most often slept on, and fell into a deep sleep.  
  
the next night he awoke to find her still asleep. he went to the fridge to get some blood... and then turned to find her looking at him. and then he'd asked her to explain the spell and what she needed for it. and she'd told him that she'd need the help of the Witches, Willow especially, because she was more powerful. she needed the presence of all Buffy's friends and most importantly, Dawn. she needed Dawn's blood for the spell. Spike had angrily disagreed, but when Jacynth explained the spell to him in depth, and found out that she needed only a small drop, he relented.  
  
the hardest part was going to the magick shop and telling the Scoobies. He'd brought Jacynth with him, and it was hard to explain who she was. She let him do all the talking, which was even harder. Xander was the first to grill him.  
  
"Who is she?" he asked. "and why does she think she can bring Buffy back?"  
  
"she's.... well her name's Jacynth. and she's a.... well, she's not a witch. she's not a demon, she's something else."  
  
"how do you know her?" Xander pressed.  
  
Spike blushed, which is hard for vampires to do. "She's...ah.. well.. she was supposed to be my wife, way back before i was a vampire."  
  
Xander stopped, mid insult. then Jacynth stepped in.  
  
"listen, there's no time for that now, i'll tell you all someday. but yes, i was supposed to be Will... I mean, Spike's wife way back in the old days. but right now i need to know if you'll help me or not with this spell. i can definitely bring back your friend. and she's waiting for this to happen."  
  
Willow had listened carefully to the plan to bring Buffy back, and nodded in intense agreement. "She can do this," she told the rest of the Scoobies. "and i've read about what she is, but i thought it was a myth."  
  
and so they'd agreed to perform the spell the following night. and it was a success, with Jacynth putting all of herself in to the spell, with help from Willow. and then the joy of having Buffy returned to them. and then after all the commotion died down, and Jacynth had disappeared, Spike said goodbye and went in search of her.  
  
He found himself in front of her house, and could see light flickering from the windows. the curtains were drawn, but with his eyesight he could see the candles burning.  
  
he entered the house through the kitchen door, and looked around. sure enough, candles were burning in every single room, alighting the house in a kind of gloom. on the kitchen counter, and empty bottle of wine sat on it's side.  
  
"Jacynth?" he called. he stepped into the living room, where he saw Jacynth laying on her couch, glass in hand. he could smell the alcohol on her, and guessed that she was on her third bottle of wine.  
  
"oh, William." she smiled. "errr. sorry SPIKE. how nice of you to come visit me." she slurred.  
  
He stood in the doorway, looking at her. "Pet, what are you doing?"  
  
She sat up unsteadily. she giggled. "immortal beings can drink, you know. yes you do know. you like to do it too."  
  
she moved to the end of the couch. "im just tired, and i needed a drink." she finished what was left in her glass and rose from the couch and walked unsteadily towards her kitchen. "you want a glass, love?"  
  
Spike frowned. "No, im good."  
  
"suit yourself!" she giggled, and tripped as she walked past him. he caught her before she hit the ground, and she laughed again, and pulled herself out of his grasp, and headed towards the fridge, opened it, and pulled out the bottle of wine that was chilling.  
  
"Pet, what are you doing?" Spike asked again. "Are you alright?"  
  
She smiled. "Yes, I'm fineee!" she squealed, pouring wine into a glass.  
  
"No. you aren't fine. what's the matter??!" Spike asked, walking towards her and grabbing her by the shoulders.  
  
"hey! Watch the hands, mister! im fine. Completely and totally fine."  
  
"Jacynth!" he said louder.  
  
She suddenly stopped giggling and pulled herself from his grasp. "Hey! let me alone, eh? bloody hell! i brought back your Slayer, what more do you want from me!"  
  
Spike took a step back from her, in shock.  
  
"what are you talking about?" he fumed.  
  
Jacynth giggled drunkenly. "I brought back your precious slayer. What else could you possibly need from me now? Why have you come? To say goodbye?" she slumped against the counter, drinking more wine.  
  
"Say goodbye? Now tell me, pet, why would I do that?"  
  
"Because you don't need me anymore. I brought back the slayer. That's what I told you that I could do. And I did it. So now you've come to say good bye to me, because you won't be coming around anymore."  
  
Spike sat down across the counter from where Jacynth was slumped. He looked into her cloudy eyes, and tried to read what she was thinking. She wasn't guarded, so he drifted into her thoughts quite easily.  
  
Inside her mind he saw them dancing, way back in the old days, at the masquerade that he'd taken her to, early on in their courting. she was wearing emerald green and her hair was up with ringlets spilling down her neck. She laughed and whispered something in his ear.  
  
He saw her reading a poem that he'd written for her, a small smile on her lips, and then her walking, turning the poem over and over in her small hands.  
  
And then he saw, astonishingly, the first and last time they'd ever shared their bodies, in the meadow by the small pond. It was nighttime and the water sparkled with the stars reflections. It was that night that he'd asked her to marry him in the square.  
  
After that Drusilla had killed Jacynth, and turned Spike into her pet. Jacynth was resurrected, and given her current immortal powers.  
  
Spike pulled out of her mind and looked at the small girl, staring drunkenly off into space. And he knew why she thought he would say goodbye. Buffy.  
  
"yes. Buffy." Jacynth murmured, apparently reading Spike's mind. "You love her, Spike. I know. That's why you've come to say good bye." She whispered before slumping down onto the kitchen floor.  
  
He went around the counter and knelt beside her, where he saw small tears in her eyes.  
  
"Did you think, dearest William, that I would just show up and not still love you?" she asked quietly. "I've followed you all these years. I've seen the things you've done, however ghastly. I kept hoping that you weren't just the full on killer that you seemed to be, that maybe some part of you had still remained after she" -Jacynth spat out Drusilla's name like it was bad to the taste - "turned you into what you are? For years and years, I followed and almost lost that hope. And then you got that chip in your head, and I saw the William I loved resurface, through your love for the Slayer."  
  
She looked at him. He was looking at the floor, playing with his fingernails. She turned her gaze back to the carpet.  
  
"But now I realize that you love her, and I can't hope for what we had to be remembered or even reliquished. So that's why you've come to say goodbye."  
  
"Pet." he said quietly, then stopped.  
  
"I love you, so much, William. That's what kept me going. Although the fact that I don't think I can die or what will kill me also keeps me alive, but I could have lost hope in you, and gone into isolation.."  
  
Spike put a finger to her lips.  
  
"Jacynth. " he muttered, then leaned over and tipped her chin up, making her tears fall down her cheeks, and kissed her.  
  
Shocks passed through his mind, images of them, long long ago rushing back into his mind, memories long forgotten or suppressed. He thought she might be casting a spell on him, but it wouldn't have mattered. He remembered now the feel of her body, every single thing that he'd so precariously memorized back in the old days, about this woman that he'd loved. Drusilla he'd never loved like this. And that love had been tainted, and Dru was long gone now. Buffy didn't return his love, and he had no hope that she would ever. But this being, this creature that he'd loved so long ago, loved him. She loved him. The thought made him accidentally drive his teeth into her tongue that had passed into his mouth. She squealed a little and pulled back.  
  
Her hand was pressed against her mouth. He reached out and touched her cheek.  
  
"Pet, im sorry.. I didn't mean to." she was wiping the tears away from her face.  
  
Then he noticed that he didn't get the blinding pain that came when the chip shocked him for hurting something other than demon. He sat back and stared at her.  
  
Her eyes were wide. She was reading him. "Yes, William. Of course you wont get those shocks with me, because I am other than human. Although I bleed like one. I still have blood. " She stuck out her tongue and showed him the wound, bleeding fiercely though the wound was on the mend.  
  
The blood glistened like rubies, beckoing him to taste it. He wanted to. It was the taste of her that he wanted.  
  
Quickly he crushed her mouth with his and started to suck on her tongue. She wrapped her arms around his neck and seemed to encourage him to take more blood. He heard her voice in his head - it wont hurt me, it wont kill me - and he took the blood from her.  
  
Blood had never tasted like this. Magickal, mystickal, and she was swirling around him. Stars spun with her swaying in between them in his mind. It tasted better than any blood he'd ever taken. It was as if he'd never tasted blood before, and he knew he couldn't ever take any blood after this.  
  
After a long while she pushed him away, and was breathless. Blood trickled from her mouth and she smiled. She casually wiped it away and snapped her fingers, and the blood was gone from her hand.  
  
Still reeling from the blood, Spike picked up Jacynth and set her on the counter, where she was sitting facing him.  
  
"How?" he asked, breathing hard. "How did you do that?"  
  
"How did I do it?" she asked. "Its my blood. It's not human blood."  
  
"so you just, like, have an endless supply then?"  
  
"I think so. Im not quite sure. I've never been completely sure about what I am."  
  
She giggled. "SO that's what it feels like. I've always wondered what a victim feels like when you feed on them. If it was painful, or if it was pleasurable. Although, I suppose, this isn't the normal feeding."  
  
Spike looked up at her. "It's better than pigs blood, I can tell you."  
  
"Oh, yes, I know. How horrid, drinking the blood of animals. How long since you had had real blood, William?"  
  
"A long time, pet. This damned chip.." he touched his head.  
  
She reached out and touched the place he had just touched. "I can see it in there. Its what gave you back to me, William. Its not evil unless you are." 


End file.
